


fondness

by sunflower_8



Category: Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types, Super Dangan Ronpa 2
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Explicit Sexual Content, Frottage, Hurt/Comfort, Implied Sexual Content, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Love Confessions, M/M, Masturbation, Mutual Pining, Past Rape/Non-con, Past Sexual Abuse, Praise Kink, Trans Male Character, Trauma, Vaginal Fingering, both of them are trans, how do i even tag this one., i keep retroactively adding tags i am so bad at this, self harm only in one line, this fic is fluffy i promise, this is so out of character i am so genuinely sorry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-25
Updated: 2021-02-25
Packaged: 2021-03-16 09:06:55
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,994
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29698230
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sunflower_8/pseuds/sunflower_8
Summary: “Perfectly fine, Hinata-kun.” Komaeda says with labored breath. “I apologize for making you have to see such an unfortunate sight, and you’re free to leave. I hope you have a ni-”“Do you need help?”Komaeda’s heart stops. “... What?”(or, komaeda gets aroused at seven pm, hinata has limited impulse control, and they end up making out despite everything)
Relationships: Hinata Hajime/Komaeda Nagito, past kamukoma and komaeda/enoshima implied
Comments: 14
Kudos: 184





	fondness

Jabberwock Island is always unfortunately lively.

Komaeda doesn’t have to experience the worst of it, really. He isolates so heavily, spending most of his time in his cottage with occasional visits to the hospital and dining hall that he doesn’t particularly pay much mind to the business of everyone else. It’s not the intricacies that affects him, just the fact that there are always people fluttering around, doing things and dispersing shipments from the mainland and moving around with loud voices and bright colors.

It’s not necessarily a horrible thing. But, Komaeda likes the quiet, and Komaeda always feels uneasy when there’s other things going on just outside his cottage door, unable to think when he worries his thoughts are loud enough that the others will hear.

But even more than that, there are some things that are difficult to do when there are people always a bit nearby.

Which is why, on this specific day, where Jabberwock is a bit quieter and nobody seems to be around, a shipment a few weeks away and the sun about to set, Komaeda is confronted with pent up sexual frustrations.

Masturbating is, quite simply, one of the last concerns he has with his life in general. His health is steadily getting better, but is nowhere near good enough to have that security. His emotional health is turbulent and volatile, plagued by the memories of Towa no matter what he does. And, of course, there are smaller things-- trying to come to terms with his future here, trying to maintain some kind of routine, the like.

So, really, masturbation is far from a frequent occurrence. He hadn’t actually done anything along those lines since waking up on Jabberwock, frequently meeting memories of having done it before that draws him away, or experiencing shameful thoughts about other people on the island (or, one person in particular, who is always there in his fantasies, no matter how selfish and desperate it may be), or even just finding himself interrupted whenever he tries to start.

But, nobody seems to be near him, today, likely all having dinner in the dining hall or something like that. 

And so, Komaeda removes his jeans and presses a pillow between his thighs.

Grinding against a pillow, specifically enough, is a familiar sensation to him. The vague memories of Hope’s Peak that he can still recall reminds him of desperation and feeling almost juvenile. A little later comes the memories of Despair Era, a time he loathes to recall, when he was forced to rub against a bloodstained pillow while an uncaring gaze watched him. 

He swallows a bit, trying to force those memories down. Since he still has his boxers on, it doesn’t quite help him the way he imagined it to, but if he closes his eyes and imagines, maybe… maybe… 

Just when it begins to feel good, there is a knock at the door.

A familiar knock. The same three raps against the wood that distinguishes the guest as Hinata.

Komaeda straightens, moving the pillow back to his bed and attempting to ignore his arousal, skipping out on putting his jeans back on, figuring Hinata has seen him look worse in the past, before opening the door. With a cordial smile, he cheerfully greets, “Hi, Hinata-kun!”

“Hey, Komaeda,” Hinata replies. He tilts his head a bit, squinting some, and is it really  _ that  _ obvious? “Are you doing okay, today? You look a bit flushed.”

“Just happy to see you,” Komaeda half lies, leaning against the door casually with a smile. Hinata gives him  _ that look,  _ the one that reminds Komaeda more of Kamukura Izuru than anything, before something settles on his face.

And Hinata’s face turns a bit red.

Hinata can be dense on occasion, but his ability to analyze Komaeda’s heart rate, his expression, the state of the room… it would make Komaeda shiver, if the other’s gaze wasn’t enough to burn him alive.

“Are you alright?” Komaeda asks, suppressing the bit of shame he feels. Hinata picking up on it so quickly is really exceptional, but certainly unlucky. Not just for Komaeda, victim to being picked apart by an incredible mind, but for Hinata, victim to having to witness his depravity.

“I’m good. Sorry, I just wanted to, uh, check in. Didn’t see you in the dining hall, so.” Hinata gives Komaeda an awkward thumbs up. “Just, uh. Yeah. I can come around another time, though, if you’re busy.”

“Ah, no!” Komaeda waves off the concern, shifting a bit. “It’s fine, re-,”

Except. The way that he moves, his hips shifting a bit as he backs away from the door, causes the seam of his boxers to rub  _ right  _ against his clit, sending a jolt up his spine.

How unlucky.

Komaeda bites his lip to hide a shameful noise and moves back to sit down on his bed, needing that stability before his knees buckle, right in front of the other. Hinata watches him move, following along a lot better than Komaeda anticipated. His face darkens as well, fully red, and he rubs the back of his neck. “Uh, I can- are you-”

“Perfectly fine, Hinata-kun.” Komaeda says with labored breath. “I apologize for making you have to see such an unfortunate sight, and you’re free to leave. I hope you have a ni-”

“Do you need help?”

Komaeda’s heart stops. “... What?”

… Did Hinata just… offer to help Komaeda… get off? 

Is Komaeda dreaming? He’s certainly had quite a few dreams similar to this, but, this feels awfully more real than those. But, why would Hinata even offer something like that, and why is the thought arousing Komaeda more?

“I-,” Hinata, fortunately or not, appears to be in a similar state of mind as Komaeda at the admission. “I did not, uh. Mean to. Vocalize that. Jesus fucking Christ, I don’t know why I said that.”

“... It’s fine?” Komaeda says a bit timidly, unsure what else to add.

“I’m going to. Uh. Leave now. Yeah.” And Komaeda, traitorously, feels his heart sink. As desperate as it is, the thought of Hinata helping, having Hinata- as disgusting as it is, he wants Hinata to stay. And yet, the brunet backs up, hand on the doorknob. “I’m really sorry for-”

“Wait.” Komaeda calls out. Hinata stops walking, giving Komaeda an odd look, and he finds himself forcing more confidence into his voice as he hesitantly says, 

“It’s… a bit rude to leave before hearing my response, right?”

Hinata  _ freezes,  _ looking entirely taken aback, more than Komaeda’s ever seen him be before. “Did you- do you…?” he flounders, unable to express the same thought Komaeda had just a few moments ago. 

“It would be helpful,” Komaeda notes quietly, a lilt at the end making it sound a little more like a question than a statement.

“Oh.” Hinata seems entirely speechless, face cerise. “That. I suppose that would. Make sense.”

“Mhm.”

“I.” He takes a deep breath, running a hand through his hair. “Give me. A minute to. Give some medication to Tsumiki, for something, and uh.” He exhales heavily. “I’ll be back.”

“I’ll be here,” Komaeda replies helpfully.

Hinata gives him a thumbs up again, looking on the verge of death from mortification. “You… do that. Or- not- oh, you get what I mean, I should- I’m going to-” 

And with no further words, he shuts the door a little too loud, leaving Komaeda sitting there.

Well. That was… something. 

Komaeda slips his jeans on and sighs. The likelihood of Hinata returning is highly unlikely, all things considered. The excuse was likely just that, an excuse to get away from Komaeda without hurting his feelings, though Komaeda would truly understand Hinata not returning. However, just the reaction…

… Komaeda’s felt sexual attraction to Hinata for a very long time. That should be unsurprising-- with someone like Hinata, gorgeous and kind and well-built, it only makes sense. The romantic attraction, really, is the surprising thing; despite all of his indecision when he first woke up, nearly a year ago, about Hinata being a reserve turned Ultimate Everything, he found that underneath the extensive layers of hatred was a pool of affection.

At first, he denied it. Then, he self destructed, isolated and tried to take out his pain on himself in order to get it to ease. Like the stages of grief he’s all too familiar with, he fought against his love for Hinata and eventually lost.

He’s accepted it, now. Even if Hinata never reciprocates, he’s accepted that. It would be better, really, for Hinata to love someone better than Komaeda.

Sexually, though, is a different story. Hinata is victim to the basest of desires, it seems, if this is any indication. Komaeda’s a willing whore, essentially, waiting for him here, just something that Hinata can fuck into if he desires. And he’s not at all attractive, really, but he’s  _ willing,  _ and thus, there’s some hope in the fact that Hinata will like him in that way.

Other people did, after all.  _ She  _ certainly had, told him how unattractive he was but frequently partook in sex with him, taking what she could out of him and prying what he tried to fight against. And Kamukura, too, far different from Hinata now but still the same person, somewhere, engaged in what relieved him of boredom. Komaeda is used to being used in this way, so really, it doesn’t shock him. 

Still, selfishly, he hopes that Hinata won’t use him in the same way they did. Komaeda never wants to relive that again, even if he deserved every bruise, every hit, every scar, everything that got shoved into him and everything that was forced out of him-- and if Hinata hurt him, he would allow it, because he loves him, but he just hopes that maybe, maybe this time-

There’s a knock at the door again. Three raps like before.

… So Hinata wasn’t lying, then.

Komaeda takes a deep breath, swallowing a bit before calling out, “It’s open, Hinata-kun.”

Hinata opens the door, giving Komaeda a small smile and an offhanded, “Hey,” before he turns around and locks the cottage. Komaeda feels himself shiver; if Hinata came back, that means they’re actually going to…

It takes a few seconds to notice that Hinata’s just… staring at him, again. His expression is less analyzing, though (less  _ Kamukura,  _ Komaeda thinks, though he knows it doesn’t quite work like that), moreso just… reacting to the situation at hand. Either way, it’s rather flustering, having that gaze on him, and Komaeda presses his legs together a little harder. The seam of his boxer once again rubs against his clit, and he breathes out a quiet sigh, both relaxed and put on edge by the arousal.

All while Hinata’s watching, face beginning to turn red again. 

When he speaks, however, his voice is fairly calm: “You still want this, right?”

Komaeda turns his head some, nodding. “Of course, Hinata-kun.” Oh, but maybe-, “Do  _ you  _ want this?”

“Oh, uh.” Hinata rubs the back of his neck awkwardly, looking a bit off to the side. Eventually, he nods. “Yeah. I do.”

It really is fortunate that Hinata is sexually attracted to him. Or, maybe he’s just pent up, or maybe Komaeda reminds him of someone else-- either way, it’s fortunate. Whether it’s Komaeda that Hinata wants (a more unlikely option by the second), or Komaeda is just the only one willing and unoccupied, it’s so, so very fortunate.

… There is an awkward silence again. 

Hinata is still clearly flushed, hand fiddling with his collar to likely relieve some heat, while Komaeda’s sitting on the bed, as polite as a whore can really get. The tension in the air is heavy, and he half wants to reach out and pull the other into a kiss, half wants to pretend this never happened. So much can go wrong with this kind of luck, so much.

And Hinata knows that, doesn’t he? If he can read the room so clearly, he must know that the good lucking of Komaeda being touched by him will be offset some other way. Maybe he’ll lose his hand so he can never touch anyone again, or maybe his tongue, or maybe he’ll be disappointed, or- or-

Hinata takes a step forward, and Komaeda’s breath catches.

There is another pause, but Hinata’s face sets with something like determination, and he takes another step. With an even pace, he walks to the bed, only hesitating slightly before sitting down beside Komaeda. And, growing more bold by the silence and the undoubtedly depraved expression on Komaeda’s face, he adjusts to that their knees brush against each other’s and they’re looking each other in the eye.

Or, well, it’s not quite eye contact when Komaeda’s looking at Hinata’s entire face incredulously while Hinata tries, and fails, to not look at the crux of his jeans.

“... Ah, um.” Hinata’s gaze meets Komaeda’s eyes again, and he finds himself filled with inexplicable shame. Oftentimes, very little can embarrass him, but there’s something about Hinata’s intensity and the situation at hand that gets his illusion of tranquility to crack. “Is… what do you want to do, Hinata-kun? I’m fine with anything, haha.”

Hinata hums, moving a bit closer. Komaeda feels his heart stop for the thousandth time that night as he notices how  _ close  _ their faces are. “I was going to ask you the same thing. Think it’s only fair you decide what we do, yeah?”

He shakes his head a bit, laughing nervously to himself. “I- well, I don’t, ah, I’m not very good at, um, those kinds of… decisions.” In the past, he never quite  _ had  _ a decision. Not in this, not in anything. So, it would only make sense for Hinata to call the shots, here. So, how does he… “You’re also aroused, ah, I think.” 

Hinata nods, not as flustered as earlier. Komaeda wonders why (and wonders whether a speechless Hinata or a stone-faced one is more attractive). “Yeah, I am,” he audibly confirms.

“So, I think it’s fair for you to decide, really, haha.”  _ It’s not like I’m important in any way, much less more important than you, my pleasure is only really tangential, so it’s not like this is any more than you getting off and me helping,  _ he thinks of saying, but holds it back. Hinata dislikes when he self deprecates verbally, though it’s only the truth. 

And… selfish as it may be, Komaeda  _ really  _ does not want Hinata to leave right now.

Speaking of, the other nods, still managing to stay somewhat composed. “Alright, well. Is it fine if I…” the almost indifferent calm falters for a moment, but he swallows and looks Komaeda in the eye again, “kiss you?”

_ Oh.  _ Komaeda… hadn’t anticipated that. He figured that he would help Hinata with his arousal quickly and then suppress his own a little more, a little longer, and they would avoid contact beyond that. But, kissing… kissing is different, kissing is inherently more intimate and far less a commodity. 

Why would someone like Hinata want to lower himself like that?

“I…” Komaeda takes another breath, wetting his lips a little (they’re chapped, aren’t they? He hopes they aren’t bleeding). “I would like that, I think.”

“Alright,” Hinata says, awfully agreeable. 

And then he presses their lips together.

Komaeda has kissed people before. Or, rather, he’s  _ been kissed  _ before. Particularly during  _ that  _ time, where his lips would have smears of red or his master would bite too hard (he always wondered if Hinata would do similar, if that had carried over… but no, Hinata is a lot less reckless, now, or maybe a lot more? How experimental is he, how much does he like to inflict pain?). In any case, Komaeda has felt lips against his many, many times.

But with Hinata, the experience is entirely different.

His lips are warm. That’s the first thing Komaeda notices-- his lips are warm and a bit chapped, which makes sense, considering how Hinata chews on his lips sometimes when he’s nervous (and how depraved, that Komaeda has noticed that). One of Hinata’s hands moves up to cup Komaeda’s neck, and that touch is warm, too, almost  _ burning  _ as if sunshine itself was touching him.

Hinata tilts his head a little to deepen the kiss, scooting forward so that his available arm can loop around Komaeda’s waist, and something about the  _ intimacy  _ makes Komaeda let out a small sound.

Hinata smiles into the kiss before breaking it, taking a quick breath as he pulls apart to look at Komaeda. Komaeda does the same, taking in the expression on his face, the soft emotion in his eye that’s nearly enough to break him, the slightly darker tint of Hinata’s lips… 

And really, Komaeda couldn’t stop himself from moving forward to capture his lips again.

Hinata lets out a noise of surprise but tightens his grip on Komaeda’s waist, his thumb lifting up to stroke Komaeda’s jaw while the other throws his arms around his neck. Hinata bites Komaeda’s lower lip (not hard enough to draw blood, not that Komaeda would complain, he would like his blood on Hinata’s if the other was so inclined), and that thought along with the sensation causes Komaeda to gasp again. Hinata presses his tongue against the other’s, deepening the kiss and only pulling apart for quick inhales. 

It feels like pure bliss. The fact that Hinata would want to partake in something like  _ this  _ with him still shocks him, but he welcomes the mercy that the other shows with an astute selfishness. It’s the highest indulgence, getting to spend time with the person he loves (who will never love him back, but he is okay, with that, if he can have this) when there are hundreds of other people more deserving of his attention. And yet, Komaeda is the one who has it.

It’s pathetic. There’s no hope in that fact.

But Komaeda allows it to happen anyway.

The kisses eventually depart from his lips, which initially disappoints him, but he finds himself letting out another surprised, soft sound when Hinata presses a kiss to his jaw, his chin, and all along the column of his neck. He pulls apart Komaeda’s shirt to try and nibble at his collarbone, but Komaeda feels all too hot at once and shifts back.

“Was that too-,” Hinata starts to ask, but his eyes widen a bit when Komaeda shakes his head and pulls his shirt off. His impulse decision immediately meets its consequences-- Hinata can see the binder, now, anybody can-- but if there’s any disappointment the other shows, he has it very well hidden.

When Komaeda gives him another nod, he returns to his neck. 

Komaeda had thought that, considering all he experienced, feeling any level of pain in a sexual experience would be uncomfortable. He had assumed it would draw back previously repressed memories, where a girl sat in his lap and twirled her knife, or when something hot and large would ram itself into his body and send a hot wave of pain throughout his body.

However, the careful and practiced, yet still somewhat impulsive, way that Hinata scatters hickeys across his neck, just where the shirt would hide it, makes the arousal between Komaeda’s legs harder to ignore. The sharp sting of the bite, eased with how the other ran his tongue over it and kissed it, made him about three seconds away from grabbing Hinata’s shirt and forcing the other to fuck him.

He forces his arms to stay around Hinata’s neck, though, because it would be so impertinent to ask for more. 

Eventually, Hinata finds himself content with the constellations of scattered marks he’s left, and he runs the tip of his finger over them with a small smile. The expression is far less innocuous, though; his lashes are lowered and his face is consumed by a dark red determination that overcomes his previous reserves. 

Komaeda, for his part, tries to sit still while Hinata looks him over, but his hands eventually start tugging at the other’s collar, and Hinata lets out a small laugh before unbuttoning his own shirt.

Once Hinata throws the fabric off somewhere else, Komaeda notices that Hinata has two large scars under his chest, amidst many others scattered across his abdomen. He can recognize the placement of those marks, and he wonders how he didn’t notice that before, how he hadn’t pieced together Kamukura’s unwillingness to remove his shirt during Despair Era and why Hinata wasn’t particularly taken aback by Komaeda’s binder.

He had thought himself to be unlucky, being trans with a complicated sense of gender when he felt so few of the others understood it, but there’s a gentle kind of peace in knowing that there’s someone else like him, even if that person is hardly comparable to Komaeda in any other way.

The soft wave of contentment he feels at that is immediately overtaken by arousal once again when he registers he’s viewing Hinata’s bare chest, and that both of them are fairly close to being half naked at this point. His eyes scan over every little mark on Hinata’s skin, as well as the smoothness of the tan skin underneath it, and he realizes, once again, that the two of them will be having sex soon.

This realization hits Hinata as well, though a few seconds delayed, and he hesitates a bit. Giving Komaeda another neutral look, entirely uninfluenced by Hinata’s own emotions in a way that feels a bit claustrophobic, he asks once again, “Are you fine with continuing?”

“Are you?” Komaeda returns, finding his voice a little raspier than normal.

“Yeah,” Hinata admits almost dismissively. As if it is obvious. As if  _ any of this _ was obvious. “I’m asking about you, though. I’m obviously pretty into this, but, we’ve never really… talked about ever… and this is a pretty impulse decision, I know, so I just. Want to make sure you’re fine with it, and that both of us are, uh, consenting here.” 

Hinata’s kindness is really a miracle, isn’t it? No… this likely falls to his luck too, doesn’t it? 

When will the bad luck come?

Komaeda smiles at Hinata, genuine but reinforced with a bit of artificial courage, and nods. “I’m okay with it. I promise.”

After another long, studying look, Hinata must decide that Komaeda’s telling the truth and adjusts accordingly, moving so that his back rests against the headboard and lightly patting his thigh. 

He moves forward, too, settling on Hinata’s lap and carefully pressing his hands to the other’s shoulder. He’s incredibly tense, sitting there and waiting for another move, for Hinata to force Komaeda down onto something or for him to outright degrade him. 

Instead, though, Hinata gives him a warm smile and says, a bit awkwardly but genuine, “Hey.”

“... Hi?” Komaeda returns, looking at Hinata a bit confused. Wasn’t he supposed to hurt him? Isn’t that where this is going? That must be what he wants, right, that’s what _Kamukura_ wanted, not necessarily to _hurt_ Komaeda but to try things out on him, things that Komaeda never wants to do again, some that he wish he could do all the time, and would Hinata prefer it if Servant _Komaeda_ was wearing a collar, and does Servant need to be wearing something more sexy, does-

“Hey,” Hinata says again, but it’s a little less conversational this time. “Komaeda, look at me.”

Servant can follow orders fine enough, meeting Hinata’s eyes with tense shoulders and waiting quietly for his command, to go and lick his shoes, to suck off some tacky plastic, to  _ get out of his sight- _

Hinata raises a hand, and when Servant expects a slap, he instead feels a calloused, familiar touch settle on his face. Quietly, he lets out a small sigh, not necessarily out of surprise but maybe more like relief.

“Stick with me, here.” Hinata rubs small circles against his cheek, concern evident in his eyes. “You okay? We don’t have to do anything you don’t want to.”

After a few moments, Komaeda takes a deep breath and nods. “I’m okay. Just… had a moment.”

“Mm,” Hinata hums. “Want to talk about it?”

“Not when we’re about to have sex,” Komaeda admits bluntly. Hinata flusters a bit at his words, and Komaeda pauses and debates retracting them, but he’s not necessarily wrong. He’s just… not good at words, really. “Sorry.”

“Don’t apologize,” Hinata replies immediately. “Just tell me if you want me to stop, okay? I don’t really want to have sex with someone who is, well, out of it.”

_ That would make you the first,  _ Komaeda thinks, but he bites it back. Instead, he nods and shifts a bit closer, their foreheads close to touching. “Thank you.”

Hinata presses a quick kiss to Komaeda’s lips before smiling again, “Nothing to thank. You’re doing me as much of a favor here as I am you. We’re doing this together.”

“That’s a first.” He can’t quite hold it back this time.

The brunet tilts his head, expression softening back into concern. “Yeah?”

“... Later,” he requests. “Right now, can you…”

“Ah, right.” Hinata nods, moving his hand down from Komaeda’s cheek and settling it on his waist. Fluidly, his posture straightens a bit as his gaze finds itself filled with lust (and a touch of something else, something Komaeda still doesn’t understand). “Can I take off your binder, Komaeda?”

“Mhm.” If Hinata won’t judge him for it or won’t do anything to him because of his chest, then… it’s okay, isn’t it? It’s okay. 

Hinata’s careful with lifting it off, tossing it somewhere near Komaeda’s shirt, laying on the floor just off the bed, and once again asks a question. “Are you alright with me touching your chest? I’m fine just skipping over it if that’d make you dysphoric-- I mean.” He gestures to his own chest, and Komaeda’s hands slide down to trace the marks. Hinata gives a small nod, at that. “I get it, so.”

“It’s lucky that you…” Komaeda sighs, not entirely certain how to express it. “I’m okay with it, though. Just… be careful.” 

She had never left scars, but there were some marks that lasted for months after her touch.

The other nods, sliding one hand to cup Komaeda’s breast. He looks up at him to gauge his expression, and Komaeda gives him a small nod. Hinata lowers his head, then, to press a kiss to the skin there, trickling down to wrap his mouth, briefly, on the pink nub there. 

The touch makes Komaeda let out a quiet moan, another coming as Hinata draws his free hand down to play with the other. Hinata’s so gentle with him, yet the touch makes arousal shoot through him, hot and overwhelming. He bites his lip to try and suppress his noises as Hinata continues, burying his face in the other’s brown hair in a faint attempt to try and hide how it’s impacting him.

Hinata pulls away for just a second, his breath only stimulating him more as he kisses near Komaeda’s heartbeat. “You can be louder, y’know,” he tells him a bit sheepishly. “I don’t mind. I actually, uh. Like hearing that, so, it doesn’t… bother me.”

Komaeda sighs. “Doesn’t it make me sound hopelessly desperate, though?”

“Well.” Hinata shrugs a bit. “I think if anyone’s desperate here, it’s probably me. And I don’t think seeming interested while, ah, having sex is… really an issue? So, it’s fine.” Komaeda can imagine Hinata smirking, now, as he adds, “Good to know that you like this kind of thing.”

“Shut up,” Komaeda mumbles, flustering more. When his words register, he almost takes them back out of panic, but Hinata only laughs and wraps his lips around his chest again. It’s flushed, now, a darker shade of pink as Komaeda lets out another sound, higher-pitched like a whimper, and it makes Hinata smile against him. 

He moves on fairly quickly, though, pulling away with one last flick and kiss, moving his head up. Komaeda takes his face out of Hinata’s hair, reluctantly meeting the other’s expression despite how flushed his face is. He must look disgusting like this, depraved and desperate like a complete whore, a bitch for Hinata’s movements, how fucking awful must he-

“You look beautiful.”

Komaeda pauses, blinking as he looks at Hinata’s face. His cheeks are pink, but he’s smiling at him. He doesn’t add anything else, just remaining quiet and looking at Komaeda (what is that expression, why can’t he-)

He inhales quietly and replies, “Thank you,” even though he doesn’t believe it.

Hinata almost beams, but manages to hold himself back with a somewhat-casual nod. “Yeah.” 

And it’s asinine, to let some kind of false platitude like that get to him, because he’s obviously far from beautiful, disgusting and hollow and worthless. His bones all jut out, and his chest is small yet still present, and there are scars everywhere, and you can see his veins all over, and he’s so depraved-- and yet, those words from Hinata, selfish as it may be, allows his shoulders to untense and him to settle more into Hinata’s lap.

… And then he registers, a bit late, that he is in Hinata’s lap, and their jeans are practically pressed together. 

With a long pause of hesitation, lengthy enough that Hinata almost opens his mouth to say something (likely ask if Komaeda’s still doing okay, knowing how selfless Hinata is), Komaeda moves his hips forward.

The feeling of fabric rubbing against his skin forces another sound out of Komaeda’s mouth, a little too loud, all things considered, but Hinata also lets out a noise-- quiet, like a hum-- and that’s enough to make Komaeda do it again. 

Hinata’s grip slides to grab at Komaeda’s ass, which the other allows with a startled moan, and he starts grinding against the other as well. Hinata has more stamina than the other by a long shot, so when Komaeda’s movements falter just a few minutes later, Hinata keeps them going. 

He also reaches up to catch Komaeda’s lips, stretching up to meet them as they start kissing, a bit messy and a little too bitey as Komaeda whimpers into his mouth and Hinata latches onto his swollen bottom lip. 

The friction of Komaeda’s jeans rubbing against his boxers, forcing it against his clit, spurs him closer to climaxing far too soon, and he pulls away eventually. “Ah, Hinata-kun, if we-,” his breath hitches as Hinata moves his hips again. “Ah-! We should-,”

“Can I take off your jeans, Komaeda?” Hinata asks, voice lower than normal. 

_ “Please,” _ he practically pleads, “but- ah, yours too, please.”

Hinata nods, reaching down to first remove his own jeans, kicking them off with significant difficulty due to the person in his lap. Once he has those removed, Komaeda’s faced with the sight of his bare legs, tan and warm with light marks of scars. The sight of hibiscus print boxers almost makes Komaeda laugh and make a snide comment, affectionately,

but before he can, Hinata lifts Komaeda off his lap, flips him over, and presses his back against the sheets. 

The sound Komaeda lets out at Hinata’s display of strength is almost mortifyingly loud.

Hinata smirks a bit, laughing lightheartedly as his hands quickly unbutton Komaeda’s pants and tug the zipper down. He has difficulty sliding them off, cursing skinny jeans quietly as he fumbles less than dexterously, but he gets them off eventually and leaves Komaeda’s legs naked.

A calloused, tan hand immediately runs a finger across one of the horizontal scars on Komaeda’s thighs, a story Komaeda offhandedly told him before of his time in Towa. There are several other scars, though, fainter and sharper underneath them. Hinata doesn’t comment on them, which Komaeda is endlessly grateful for, but he does lower his mouth to kiss along the marks.

And God, having Hinata’s mouth so  _ close  _ to where Komaeda needs it most, just a few inches away…

Hinata doesn’t kiss along the scars for too long, which is both a blessing and a curse, before rubbing his hands against his skin and giving Komaeda another glance filled with something he can’t grasp. “Can I take off your boxers, Komaeda?”

Komaeda nods, a little too depraved and a little too eager as he replies, “Please, Hinata-kun, I-”

“Hey, shh,” Hinata says reassuringly. “I’ve got you. Relax, okay?” 

An incredibly tall order-- Komaeda tries to, anyway.

Hinata slides off the boxer almost tantalizing, the fabric dragging against Komaeda’s skin as he pulls it off his legs. Komaeda is more aroused than he anticipated; his inner thighs are wet and slick, his actual pussy more red than it had been earlier, his clit almost throbbing between his folds.

He’s been vulnerable like this, before, but Hinata’s gaze isn’t predatory or controlling. Really, it’s more incredulous, another smile starting across his face again as he moves his hands to cup his hips, thumbs against his inner thighs and rubbing small circles against it. And with a blunt amount of confidence in his voice, he notes, “You were really excited when I first saw you, huh?”

Komaeda swallows back a whine and nods. “Haha- I- yeah.”

“Yeah?” Hinata teases. 

“Yeah.” Komaeda responds.

Hinata moves a bit closer, resting his cheek against Komaeda’s pale thigh and looking up at him. “You’re really gorgeous, you know. I mean- I know you don’t believe that, but.” Hinata spreads Komaeda’s legs some more, glancing at his arousal before looking back up at him. “I’ve thought about doing this with you for a while.”

“I-,” and Komaeda wants to believe that  _ so badly,  _ but he-, “I’m not that- I’m not-,”

“You are.” His voice leaves little room for argument. “You’re so pretty it’s kind of shocking. It’s a bit nice, in kind of a selfish way, to see you so turned on like this.” Komaeda flushes, trying to press his legs closer together, but Hinata pushes them apart again. “No, no. Keep them open, okay? Sorry, I’ll touch you soon, promise.”

“Please,” Komaeda begs softly.

“I will. I just wanted to say all that, first.” Hinata kisses his inner thigh, nibbling at the almost wet skin and smiling at the moan Komaeda lets out. “I’m glad I’m doing this with you, even if this kinda happened by accident. Just remember that, alright?”

He nods frantically. “I’ll try, just- please-,”

“Heh, alright. That’s fair.” Hinata presses one last kiss to his skin.

And then he shifts up the bed, parting Komaeda’s legs one more time and placing them on his shoulders as he presses his lips to Komaeda’s clit.

Komaeda  _ immediately  _ moans, legs already starting to tremble just from one touch. Hinata laughs, almost taunting but not in a threatening sense, wrapping his lips around his clit and sucking hard. 

“Ah- Hinata-kun, please- I-,” his pleas are cut off with another loud moan when Hinata prods a finger into Komaeda’s entrance, gently rubbing against his walls and hooking his finger to stretch him out. Komaeda is wet enough that it hardly hurts, the intrusion unfamiliar after going such a long time without it (and a forever of no gentleness, Hinata the first to ever be so careful). 

Hinata pulls away from his clit, licking his lips with a sigh. “God, you’re so fucking pretty when you’re like this. I like you in every way, but there’s something about seeing you like  _ this  _ that makes my heart warm. That you’re healthy enough to even  _ do  _ this.”

Komaeda feels about three seconds from fainting, so overwhelmed with pleasure and bliss, but he tightens his thighs around Hinata’s neck and pulls at his hair almost desperately, using the sensation to ground him.

Laughing breathlessly again, Hinata asks, “Can I add another finger?” 

“Please,” Komaeda says again, whining as Hinata removes his finger.

“Relax,” Hinata soothes, “I’m here.” Two fingers prod at Komaeda’s entrance this time, settling in. The intrusion hurts a bit, and Komaeda winces as discreetly as he can manage.

Hinata notices, as Komaeda should have expected, and presses his thumb up on his clit. The pleasure overtakes the pain, then, and Komaeda shakily moans again. 

“There you go,” Hinata says quietly, that inflection Komaeda can’t distinguish almost overflowing. Any possible explanation escapes his mind once more as Hinata’s fingers hook, rubbing against his clit as Hinata grinds a little against the bed, turned on himself from touching Komaeda. “You’re, hah, you’re doing so good. I’m glad I offered to help, earlier today. You can tell me whenever,  _ God,  _ you’re like this and I’ll help. That’d be nice, yeah?”

Komaeda opens his mouth to reply, but Hinata’s fingers cleverly (or maybe luckily) press against his spot, causing him to let out almost a  _ scream  _ as Hinata latches onto that place, fucking against it vigorously and rubbing his clit in circles. 

The pleasure makes him see stars behind his eyes, entire body shaking as Hinata’s touch sends pleasure through his entire body, over and over, until he’s dizzy. It feels like heaven, something undeniably divine, and he doesn’t deserve Hinata’s sacred touch, or the way the other is so selflessly focusing on him, but he’s overcome with appreciation for him.

It becomes too much for him too quickly, and the fear of shattering once he climaxes causes him to pull against the strands of chestnut hair harder. Hinata slipped three fingers into him earlier, so overwhelmed he hadn’t noticed, and the feeling of him hitting that spot while stimulating his clit and mumbling loving words against his thigh,  _ you’re doing so good  _ and  _ you look so fucking pretty  _ and  _ you’re ethereal  _ and  _ you’re so hot and tight around me  _ and  _ do you need me that badly  _ and  _ it’s okay, I’m here Nagito, I’m here,  _ all pushes him to the edge.

“Hinata-kun,” he sobs out, “I’m- I think I-,”

“I’ve got you,” Hinata reassures, meeting his eyes with that reassuring look again. Komaeda finally feels a realization settle as he looks at him: that expression he couldn’t define, it was  _ fondness _ .

When Hinata whispers, “I love you,” Komaeda climaxes.

His vision goes pure white, letting out a scream interspersed with mindless rambling. His entire body shakes as he comes, but Hinata gently keeps pushing him forward, forward, coaxing as much out of him as he can get. Komaeda pulls hard at his hair, waves of pleasure and dizziness and pain and pleasure again companioning him as he falls over the edge, inches from what feels like death as his body slumps in exhaustion, finally released from the vice grip of heaven.

Beside him, Hinata removes his fingers and sits up, shoving his hand into his own boxers and coming with a quiet groan only a minute later. He takes his hand out and rubs them against the sheets before resting beside Komaeda with a long sigh.

Komaeda takes a deep breath, opening his eyes and looking up at the other. Hinata smiles at him fondly (that’s the word,  _ fond,  _ and how someone could feel that way towards him, he isn’t certain, but he’s so grateful for it), leaning down to press a kiss on his temple. “You okay?” he asks, voice rough and tired.

“Mm,” Komaeda hums in lieu of an answer, carefully shifting his body towards Hinata’s. After a few more moments of catching his breath, he says, “Good.”

“Good,” Hinata echoes. He straightens, gently running an affectionate hand through Komaeda’s hair before taking off towards the bathroom. Komaeda waits, chest still heaving labored breaths, until his lover (lover?) returns with a towel to clean both of them off.

Hinata’s touch, even now, is so gentle, a blissful expression on his face, his body relaxed… Komaeda feels tears come to his eyes, uncertain as to how someone could be so loving to someone like him.

When Hinata finishes cleaning them off, he tosses the towel near where the rest of their clothes are and focuses on Komaeda. He must notice the tears, but he doesn’t say anything, just laying beside Komaeda to collect him in his arms.

“We can take a bath later,” Hinata decides. “For now, though, you should sleep. You look exhau-,”

“I’m sorry,” Komaeda says abruptly.

Hinata is silent for a second, and Komaeda thinks the worst. After a lilt, he tightens his grip and asks, “Why?”

“You shouldn’t have had to do what with me.”

“I see.” Another moment of silence. 

“I’m sorry,” he apologizes again, “I didn’t even- I-,”

“Hey.” Hinata squeezes his waist. “Listen to me, Nagito.”

Komaeda’s taken aback by the use of his first name even after they finished having sex, so much so that he allows Hinata to speak. “Let’s be clear, here. I came into your room while you were clearly aroused, and I decided that I wanted to have sex with you. I went about that in the most awkward way possible, but, point stands. I wanted to do that from the beginning.” Hinata presses a kiss against Komaeda’s nape, nuzzling against him. “And, by the way, I don’t mind that you didn’t get me off. You can do that next time, if you want.”

His heart skips. “... Next time?”

“I mean.” Hinata backtracks. “Only if you want, I don-”

“I’d love that,” Komaeda interrupts, voice quiet. “I… I’d really like that.”

Komaeda can feel the other smile against his skin. “Then we’re good,” he concludes. “Get some rest, Nagito. I’ll be around in the morning.”

“Okay.” Komaeda snuggles against Hinata, too tired to resent his touch starved nature, and smiles into a pillow. “I love you.”

“I love you too,” Hinata replies. “Goodnight.”

“Goodnight, Hinata-kun.”

And as Komaeda’s eyes flutter shut, all he can feel is the fondness that the other-- perfect as he is, wrong as he may be-- feels for him. And silently, he says a  _ thank you,  _ his past memories of sex overtaken by the sound of Hinata saying  _ I love you,  _ and Komaeda saying it back.

**Author's Note:**

> hello.
> 
> i need to make something very clear to you all. 
> 
> i set out today saying hey. i have trauma. let me write a vent fic about it. i end up sitting there and for fucking 2+ hours, i write a 7k fucking EXPLICIT FIC about komaeda nagito getting FINGERED for NO REASON. i don't know WHY i wrote this. why did i spend so LONG on this. this isn't even a coping fic. i just accidentally wrote these two having sex and it is one of my longest fics now. i didn't even edit this. i don't even know what this is. why did i fucking write it. 
> 
> i debated if i should even put this out into the world but i spent so long writing this fic that i am so mixed on (it's a cross between i'm-so-proud-maybe-i-can-write-content-regularly-again and i'm-going-to-tear-my-hair-out-and-move-to-france) that i might as well just. have it out there.
> 
> i really just. i don't know what this is. i think komahina deserves to have nice fluffy sex though. as a treat. and i trans-ed their genders because trans komaeda gives me gender euphoria. i was going to do he/they komaeda and i don't really remember why i didn't. i don't think i had a reason i think i just zoned out. 
> 
> uh. i hope you like this. that vent fic will come along shortly.
> 
> i'm going to go and have a nice long cry.


End file.
